


"MAMA, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER."

by TheBroken



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autism Spectrum, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Coming Out, Confessions, F/F, Family, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Family Feels, Love, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28084731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBroken/pseuds/TheBroken
Summary: Shortly after Mei returns to her real home with Ume and Yuzu, the wedding to Udagawa is off...and she has a serious conversation that can't be avoided with the mother of her fiance'......Her stepmother, Ume.
Relationships: Aihara Mei/Aihara Yuzu
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	"MAMA, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER."

**Author's Note:**

> I have often wondered...We know that Yuzu and her Mom had a heart to heart, where she came out to Ume...but what was Mei's confession to Ume like?  
> Another missing Citrus moment...

Mei was delighted to be waking up again in her bed at her _real home,_ as she thought of it, the one she shared with Yuzu and Ume. Though a very nice apartment, It was a far cry from the lavish sepulcher to his family pride and traditions that her grandfather had moved her into. She would have no dark, lonely corridors and empty, airless rooms to wander endlessly and tearfully through in her sick, sleepless nights here. There would be no more cheerless meals, no more short, terse, and virtually lifeless conversations wearing costumes and masks over their meanings or consisting of mere formalities and punctilio. Here, the rooms were cozy, she slept with her beloved each night, what was said, was said in the open, people meant what they said, and she was cared for and _loved for herself,_ not for what she represented in the _meat market_ of arranged upper-class marriages.

No, unless it was a matter of something she had to attend, she was finished with the trappings and complicated spiritless dance of a class she had chosen to reject- with her own free will and her own recognizance. She had stepped to her last measure of that tune.

But there was one thing that couldn't wait, that she dreaded second only to the conversation with her Grandfather, where both she and Yuzu were going to declare themselves in love...

...with each other.

And, naturally enough,.. as lesbians.

She shuddered at what might happen. But she and Yuzu were her primary motivations and considerations now. She had already been in therapy for two whole months now- Udagawa, her former fiance' and dear friend of both she and her betrothed, had recommended a doctor, noticing her depression. It was one of the best things that had ever happened to her, besides falling in love with Yuzu, that is. Although far from past her difficulties, she had been brought from the edge of...

_Mei dared not think it, let alone say it._

Mei shuddered again. She had even asked Yuzu to attend couples counseling once a week, at her therapist's invitation, which excited the helpful girl no end. That was her, alright- always so enthusiastic...she owed that girl _everything..._

But today, she would be having a conversation with their mother, Ume. And she would be telling her, she was going to say, she would casually drop...

That she and her step-sister had been lovers for a couple of years now, and by the way...they were going to get married, and if Japan would not grow up and allow it, then they would marry elsewhere.

Oh, she knew Yuzu had already had her say. But that was _her-and_ she could do such a soul wracking thing. Often the mere casual operations of ordinary conversation eluded Mei.

" Mama- I'm in love with your daughter!" She thought to say.

The poor girl wanted to laugh, she wanted to cry...she did get a little teary, but Ume was home this afternoon, Yuzu was not, and it had to be done. She had sworn to Yuzu _and_ her doctor: No more avoidance behavior, no more lying, and no more being manipulative! The beautiful girl would have to leave that comfort zone for good. And today was the start. She slipped her hand into her pocket, where a sheet of carefully folded paper lay in safekeeping. In case she couldn't speak her heart...she had insurance.

Ume...her stepmother was everything the woman who had given birth to her was not. She had seldom been around even before her parents divorced, a distant, tradition ridden, cold-hearted, and emotionally brittle woman who didn't smile, laugh, or bother to nurture her child. Mei realized that her family.. _.Hell..._ maybe even much of the class structure they belonged to- were _sick_ \- at least to a degree-and would not seek help because they didn't know the difference- and that, _she herself_ , (as someone had once accused her after Mei had used the girl's lovesick heart for a _buffer,_ ) _"Got it_ _honestly!"_ The Violet eyes filled with pain. She had hurt a lot of people, including her Yuzu, all along the travels of her own ugly road of emotional abuse, rejection, mental illness, and pain.

 _"It's over.'_ she thought, _'From here on in, I'm going to be a human being...I'm going to be a real girl, with a life, with dreams of my own...and a forever love to keep me warm and happy, who'll share this life of mine...and I'll give her my all. I'll give her all I can be, as a companion, a lover, a wife...as a woman. I'm going to be a real woman!"_ Mei smiled just thinking that, as she slowly padded out of the bedroom like a frightened cat, to where she heard Ume bustling in the kitchen.

Ume filled the English whistle kettle with water, and set it on a burner to come to a boil. Taking out some lovely loose green tea _\- Gyokuro,_ a favorite of her step-daughter's-with a battle-scarred tea measure the observant Mei presumed was a family relic, she placed it into the waiting clay pot. She removed some enticing purple yam cakes and set them on two plates. She looked up at that moment to find the silent girl watching every movement with her intense Violet eyes.

"Mei! You're up and about! Sit down...I was just going to come to get you!" Ume's smile was warm and genuine, so guileless...she could see where their Yuzu came from, and that she had "Gotten it honestly!" The dark-haired girl attempted a smile, but her task at hand weighed too heavily upon her. It was not like Yuzu had not already outed herself to Ume- and everyone else- but she still had to explain her side of this. She was not allowing the blonde girl to bear this burden alone.

"Mama." she began, "I have to discuss something serious with you." She looked hopefully to Ume.

Ume smiled. "Then it's good the tea is ready now! We'll need sustenance, dear!" she took Mei's hands, led her to the breakfast nook, hugged her, and sat her down. Mei suddenly found the floor at her feet _fascinating._

"Sweety.. _._ you can discuss _anything_ with me, I'm your Mama, and I love you, and support you! You just take a few deep breaths, relax, and when you're ready...I am. Have some tea, have some yam cake!"

"M-m-mama.." Mei started. It was almost an overload of kindness, after these last six cold months. She waited a long moment, struggling, then:

... _"I-I-I-L-L-LOVE YOU!"_

The stuttering and emotional words burst so loudly and violently from her lips that the shocked girl threw her hands over her mouth in embarrassment. Ume was ecstatic.

"Mei, dear! You finally came out with it! I love you too, baby...' She rose and hugged her. 'Yuzu and I both do!"

Mei cleared her throat, and whispered, "T-that's what I wanted to talk about, Mama." She lowered her head again.

 _"Why,'_ the Violet-eyed girl thought, ' _does this thing that others take for granted- the ability to open their hearts and just have a damned conversation-have to be such an awful struggle for me?"_

Ume held her hands. "I thought it might be like that, honey. Just take your time. I'm here for you. Now, I understand,' she said thoughtfully, 'that you have a difference in the way your mind operates from most people...Yuzu said you were diagnosed as Autistic? Are you comfortable discussing that?"

"Yes, Mama, I'm glad I found out... why I was so... different. I had thought I was... crazy, sometimes. Some call it Aspergers, Yuzu calls me her Aspie...I'm in the Neurodiverse Spectrum. ."

Ume nodded. "That certainly explains many things about you dear, that had puzzled me. And it helps me understand you more. You just tell me what you want to say, in your own way, and when you want to." She waited.

Mei raised her Violet eyes, which suddenly took on a look of beauty and wonder that stole Ume's breath away. The pale, elegant face bore such a tender, hurting expression, she could have cried seeing it.

"Yuzu...I...Yuzu." she started.

Ume smiled gently and took her hand.

"Mama...I-I'm in l-love..." Mei struggled like an agonist, ' _with our Yuzu. I'm...We're...Gay! We're L-l-lovers. For...a long time, now!...I-I m-made the first m-move on her!_ " She finished exhaling as though she would faint at any moment. Her eyes pleaded with Ume: _Please make it right!_

Ume rose and hugged her, speaking softly. "I know how difficult it must be to talk about this. Honey-someone has to make the first move, or people can't fall in love! Yuzu couldn't have a nicer girl for her sweety, and I support you both. It is a beautiful thing to be so in love, and you're two girls who love each other. Don't you be afraid!' She hugged the trembling girl. 'I love you so much-"

"And you and our Yuzu are the most wonderful couple _ever!"  
_

Mei was in her mother's arms a long moment, soaking in the honesty of her love, and received her mother's kiss of blessing gratefully. Her tears beginning to flow, she reached into her pocket and withdrew something, speaking softly. " Thank you, M-M- Mama...You don't... know what that means to me!' She paused before continuing. 'I have this...' she produced a sheet of paper. "I was afraid all night I wouldn't... be able to talk. But I've always... been able to write my feelings down. This is like... what I write in my journal, sometimes. Mama, I wrote this about... Yuzu... And me. _My Yuzu_...I l-love her so m-m-much..." the girl stopped and looked helplessly at Ume, tears of frustration on her anguished face.

Ume was deeply touched by Mei's display of hard-won emotion. She was clearly so overwrought by powerful feelings she could barely speak.

 _"No wonder the poor dear chooses to remain silent or_ _speaks in those cryptic phrases so often! Her brain is just bursting with thoughts and feelings. And they're so hard for her to understand, or communicate to others, sometimes. And add that to the trauma she's been thru, and the awful excuse for an upbringing she had..."_ Ume reflected.

She had seen her this way before, and now, it was all so clear what the problem had been all along. It would take time, a lot of love and patience, and even continued professional help, but Ume could see a future when her Mei could converse more freely about this... or anything!

She hugged her again. Mei was Very receptive to physical expression today, Ume had noticed. " Honey, I know you are so deeply in love, you can hardly keep it in! It's awful that you two felt you had to hide such a precious, natural thing. It's okay, honey. I'm here to support you completely as both my child _and_ as the _lover_ of my other child! You're very brave, and I'm proud of you!"

Mei gave her the most loving smile thru her tears, which moved Ume's heart even stronger.

"I understand, this is a problem, especially just now. You've only been back a few days! You're still coming to grips with the troubles that have been accumulating these past months. You're having a bad problem just now communicating such powerful feelings, and you're overwhelmed."

"Should we do _this,_ with your permission? I'll read what you've written for me because I know this is your heart you've put into words. Is that alright with you?"

Mei, amazed at Ume's incredible tenderness, understanding, and insight, continued to cry silently in sheer love and relief and gratefully shook her head "yes", looking toward the floor again as Ume lowered her head, and began to read:

_I was alone until my Yuzu came, and just would not leave me be until she had broken thru into my hiding place, shattering the ice I wore as protection around my heart. She was everything that Summer brings, and I fought her with all the cold of a losing Winter, I feared my heart being touched. But she couldn't let me lie, couldn't let me hide, couldn't let me...hurt. She wanted me to be happy...for my own sake. I had seldom seen an unselfish action in my life, and could scarce recognize what was transpiring between us. The weeks became months as she chipped away at all the lies that were my life, my dying defenses, for even pain wants to live._

_Oh, I was angry! I was rage incarnate! I was cold, manipulative, selfish, cruel, and uncaring..._

_And, at least some small corner of me was...somehow curious. Somehow...interested. Why? Why would someone want to help me? She wasn't like the sycophants at school. To them, I was the chairman's daughter! And Yuzu? She couldn't have cared if I was the janitor's daughter! She cared for me...for my own sake. Just for who, and not what I was._

_But- why?  
_

_And one day, she looked into me, and somewhere in the darkness, saw a timid and frightened girl who didn't know what had happened to shake up her tiny world. A girl who couldn't even open the puzzle-box of her own emotions was being loved by someone beautiful!_

_Suddenly, I was free...and afraid. Afraid, because I had never been free. And free, because my beloved ice, my fortress, was no more, nor the excuse that went with it. I could never say again:_

_"I've never been touched by warmth! Go away!"_

_Along with every lie, I was taught was the truth, and the pain I hid my heart behind, my false construct I called my life began to fall._

_She had found me out. She had discovered me, and my secret._

_I ran, she chased!_

_I pushed, she stood fast!_

_I denied, she affirmed!_

_I laughed, she cried!_

_I cried...she laughed!_

_And I, who did not understand this feeling called love, became wrapped in its inescapable truths:_

_I was fighting love, but no-one fights love and wins._

_Nor does anyone who accepts love._

_One way, or another way, your heart is lost._

_You cast it off, you lose._

_You cling to it for life...you lose._

_You are always going to lose your heart. And that was the awful fear. My heart wasn't much, it was already a ruined vessel._

_But I had nothing else to keep... or give._

_And so, she gave me the gift of her amazing heart._

_"I love you!" she confessed._

_And I gave her everything I could._

_My beautiful girl._

_There came the time, that I discovered this feeling that had stolen my thoughts...was love. And I was willingly ensnared, though there was much I couldn't understand. But it consumed me. And I learned the tentative beginnings of sharing my thoughts and emotions.  
_

_It was so painful, so difficult. And often- still is._

_We hid our love, both so afraid of a world that would forbid it._

_Until the day my heart was hers. She had given me everything. And I gave her my heart without even knowing I had done it._

L _onged, for I knew not what._

_Desired for an ephemeral I couldn't grasp_

_Cried over emotions I couldn't identify._

_And I learned to love from my teacher. And she learned how to teach me. There was confusion, there was anger, there was misunderstanding. How can you express a feeling you can't comprehend?_

_I was learning to be a girl, instead of a heritage._

_A girl, who was in love with another girl- who was her stepsister, in a world that would countenance neither thing._

_I learned to steal precious and unforgettable days, to even savor the ones that went so comically wrong._

_Stolen kisses. Stolen moments. Stolen caresses._

_Stolen time._

_Someday...they'd catch us. And steal me away._

_And our love with it._

_Something would happen to take us from each other's arms. I didn't deserve her. But I was grateful for the time we had. I felt as though it was all a dream, that I would wake up from..._

_and be nothing. And Nobody. Again._

_Opportunity makes the thief, they say. And circumstances the criminal. So when "duty" called me to leave, as I knew it one day would, I left her, to sacrifice everything I knew was right-for everything I was told to believe in. And my dream was over._

_I woke up, and I wasn't a real girl, after all._

_I was a commodity._

_And whether you fight love, or accept it...you lose._

_We had both lost our hearts._

_And I am the **cold-hearted bitch** who shattered hers to bits. _

_I am the **coward** who left her without saying a word._

_I am the **traitor** who denied the pure truth of her precious love._

_I am the **criminal** who consigned our wonderful love to darkness for the price of a bauble._

_Who ran- **again.**_

_Who lied- **again.**_

_Who hid away- **again.**_

_Cold. Broken. BItter. Self-recriminating. Dark, and alone._

_But even with that...even so- how could I forget? Because...thru it all, my denial, my regret, my loss, my pain... I remained in love, body, mind, and spirit. At night, sleepless and alone, my broken heart would remember the things my mind denied. My heart was lost._

_Lost to her. The love I had betrayed.  
_

_I have told my Yuzu that I died every night... but, no- the dead are beyond that awful pain, and the knowledge that they have inflicted the same agony on another.  
_

_Across the vast ocean that separated us, that was really only a few city blocks, the love of my life suffered until she couldn't stand the pain for one more moment._

_She would save us both._

_And she came to me on the mystery of a moonlit night, on the eve of the mockery of my wedding that never was. When I stood on that terrace, my face turned away, to hide the tears. To conceal my heart- because surely hers would know the truth- surely my Yuzu would see thru the transparent lies of my fabricated future plans...the lie that it was all my wish._

_She came that night, and I rebuked her._

_She sought me out, and I denied her._

_She called to me, and I refused her._

_She had accepted love._

_And I had fought it._

_And whichever way you choose...you lose._

_She came and once again, began to tear the walls of my fortress down. My precious, my beautiful, my beloved, my...Yuzu! She would not accept "No!" She would not hear another lying excuse!_

_"I will destroy this falsehood, this mockery, this web that holds you' she seemed to say, 'with a single touch, and your resistance will crumble to ashes!" Then I saw her in full light. And the moon revealed my sins.  
_

_I had only thought **my** heart had broken..._

_Until I heard her longing, sorrowful voice... and saw her glorious, but now sad face once again, and the love, and **THE HURT** **I put** in her precious Emerald green, and haunted eyes. The pain in her heart, the torture of so many sleepless, aching nights..._

_That **she** bore for **my** sake...For the love of **ME!** For the loss of **ME!**_

_**ME! ME! ME!**  
_

_And I was crushed, I was pierced, and I knew what it meant to be utterly...broken._

_And everything I had ever been, everything I was told to be, **all the lies that were my life** fell at my feet like **offal.**_

_Like **vomit.** _

_Like **filth.**  
_

_They say there are no Angels, but now, I know that for the lie it is.  
_

_She stood before me as if floating on the silver waves of the moonlight. As if spirited there by the Celestial Lady's proud white chargers that had galloped thru the streets of Tokyo, which had magically become a sandy beach! And she bade me follow. And she offered me...salvation? My feet still stood in the wave-washed darkness of the lonely twilit shoreline of the terrace, but her hand caught a stray beam that illuminated her ring like a smaller, but not lesser satellite of the one above us._

_A pale beacon. But the light I could follow, none the less. If I allowed myself.  
_

_She pulled open my blouse, in the midst of my lies, and revealed my secret. The ring she had given me as a sign of undying love, which I always wore beneath my clothing...hiding it, as I had always hidden my heart. My denials choked in my throat. It was over. I cried so hard, I couldn't speak. I was lost to her. I would have followed her back into Hell, just to be with her. But, she only hugged me all the tighter, kissing my scalding tears away, sanctifying my treacherous face with a pure love that declared:_

_"I will love you more than anyone on Earth! "_

_One last time she took my hand. We walked boldly into the light. And she led me like a little child, because I was helpless. And I had been a revenant, but I was brought up from Hell._

_And I was more broken than the sum of the shards of both of our hearts._

_And suddenly, my duty, my honor, my sacrifice, were revealed as the hollow things that all else I had been led to believe, and follow, and hold dear, had always been._

_"Take me home." I pleaded._

_She took me up in her arms._

_"You are home now!" she said, my golden girl. And she drew my face down to rest upon her heart..."This is your Forever Home!"  
_

_Her precious, loving heart! **IT IS...**_

_My home._

_My Forever Home.  
_

_"I love you."_

_Those three words were so hard. So painful. Because it was my life now. My honest life._

_No pain to cling to, no commands to follow. No lies to fall back upon. The bitter comforts of my misery gone, all gone._

_And my mind and spirit filled so with emotion, if she hadn't held me, I would have fainted dead away. Once again, our hearts beat in tandem, joined together...and I knew, this time, no power on this Earth would separate us again. I would hereafter deny family, friend, and fortune to keep this sacred bond._

_Sealed with a kiss. And I will fight for us in any way I can, meek creature though I am!_

_I was the **first** person who ever kissed her sweet lips._

_She is the **only** one who will ever kiss mine again._

_And she spoke those words, and I with her. And a simple ring of pure silver, my irreplaceable treasure, she had a few moments before removed from where I had always worn it around my neck, to keep her close to my heart always, she placed on my finger as a seal, to match its mate on her gentle, loving hand._

_Those words, so hard, so unfathomably hard for me to say. Because I was giving my heart to her, too. Forever. And I knew, I was not even worthy to kiss the ground beneath her feet._

_But if she would have me, I would spend my life becoming worthy, and gladly._

_And we said those three small words first to one, and then the other, concerning which, countless volumes will be written throughout all time:_

_"I love you!"_

_They came from her like a river._

_They came from me like a whisper._

_And whispers **and** rivers alike, when they speak such things, can be heard in Heaven. _

_But **both** are denied... only in Hell._

_"I love you."_

_It seemed so simple!_

_And it is... so simple... **for words.**_

Ume finished reading the testament of love, in the elegant, pretty writing. Her eyes were wet with tears.

" Mei...Poor precious baby! This is beautiful! I understand your feelings... You've both been hurt so... My sweet babies! You are so completely in love with Yuzu, just as she is with you!

"You have my blessings, my daughter! You always have! Thank you for writing this..."

She looked up then.

She heard the front door softly shut behind the shy, tearful, dark-haired girl.


End file.
